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^ Awesome! I like it!

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers licence. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers licence. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

BMW's Invention Vs God's Invention (joke) An engineer of the BMW Corporation died and went to heaven. At the gates St. Peter told him, "Since you've been such a good man and your vehicles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven". The Engineer thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took him to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. He then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said the engineer, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention. 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion. 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds. 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. 4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally, 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous." "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "Hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to the engineer, "but according to these numbers, More men are riding my invention than yours."