smb

This has just made my day! Thanks very much for posting!

Your "Naughty Bot" is just brilliant, by the way!

The girl looks slightly distraught - and she has such a cute little bum!

Hello Ron,

Welcome to artfreaks.com!

I'm looking forward to seeing some more of your writings here!

Vic

And here's one for the girls - just to balance some of the predominantly male oriented jokes here:

A dog or a man?

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him

and never say its not quite as good as his mother's

...then buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour,

for as long and wherever you want ...

...then buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care

about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies

...then buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to

warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores

...then buy a dog !

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care

if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if

every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves

you unconditionally, perpetually ...

...then buy a dog.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come

when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair

all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only

comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence

is solely to ensure his happiness .,

.

.

.

...then buy a cat!

Now be honest, you thought I was gonna say... marry a man, didn't you?

The Garden of Eden

The Lord made man in the Garden Of Eden,

Then he thought to himself 'There's something he's needin''.

So after scratching around for a suitable pearl

God fiddled around until He'd created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,

Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,

And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,

Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,

And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,

And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Then he added a mouth.....

Ruined the whole ****king thing!!!

THE BEST BLONDE JOKE

A blond girl walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have.

Unfazed, the blond assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

'I'm sorry,' says the pharmacist, 'We don't have any.'

'But, I always buy it here,' says the blonde.

'Do you have the container that it came in?' asks the pharmacist.

'Yes,' said the blond, 'I'll go home and get it.'

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her,

'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.'

Annoyed, the blond snatches the container

back and reads out loud from the container...

TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM

Boys

A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby

to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to

the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with

him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had

nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye

contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go

to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned

against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your

ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts;

they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm

and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think

that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered .... 'Outside, when you said you heard

someone coming.... "well that was me."

The Biker and the Drunk:

(BEST DRUNK STORY OF THE YEAR, so far!)

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would normally fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: 'I got it on with your grandma and she is good. The best I ever had!' The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says..

'Grandpa..........Go home! You're drunk!'

The Rabbi and the Tax Collector

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the

books of a synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: "I notice

you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle

drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to

the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of

candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual

Question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:

"What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to

trap him with an unanswerable question.

"We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now

and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the

know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover

foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up

all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year

they send us a complete prick".

Just a little thing that has been "doing the rounds" of the Internet recently - and arrived in my in-box from an unknown original author:

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE

50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a tin, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a van - loose - was always great fun.

We drank water from the garden hosepipe and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cakes, white bread and real butter and drank pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no text messaging, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents

We played with worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

Made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out any eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Local teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

PS -The BIG type is because your eyes are shot at your age

Hi Gary! Welcome to artfreaks.com! I had a look at your website,

www.intuitivesculpture.com

I think your work is truly awesome!

I especially liked your metal people series - and this one in particular really blows my mind!

www.intuitivesculpture.com/M1%20Ero...0Bikini%202.JPG

If you get a bit of spare time, I hope you will be able to set yourself up some albums on the artfreaks.com Forums > Gallery. We desperately need some sculpture on this site!

Happy sculpting!

New Words for 2008

1 SALAD DODGER.

An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

2 SWAMP-DONKEY

A deeply unattractive person.

3 TESTICULATING.

Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

4 BLAMESTORMING.

Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

5 SEAGULL MANAGER.

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and Then leaves.

6 ASSMOSIS.

The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

7 SALMON DAY.

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

8 CUBE FARM.

An office filled with cubicles.

9 PRAIRIE DOGGING.

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

10 SITCOMs.

Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a 'home business'.

11 SINBAD.

Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

12 AEROPLANE BLONDE.

One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

13 PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.

The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14 ADMINISPHERE.

The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the 'adminisphere' are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded 'administrivia' - needless paperwork and processes.

15 404.

Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message '404 Not Found' meaning that the requested document could not be located.

16 AUSSIE KISS.

Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

17 OH - NO SECOND.

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

18 GREYHOUND.

A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

19 JOHNNY-NO-STARS.

A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

20 MILLENNIUM DOMES.

The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nowt in there worth seeing.

21 MONKEY BATH .

A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

22 MYSTERY BUS.

The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

23 MYSTERY TAXI.

The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

24 BEER COAT.

The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise At 3:00am .

25 BEER COMPASS.

The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

26 BREAKING THE SEAL.

Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

27 TART FUEL.

Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

28 TRAMP STAMP

Tattoo on a female

29 PICASSO BUM.

A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks

Some good-old Tommy Cooper stuff!!

1. Two blonds walk into a building.......... you'd think at

least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy

marijuana, press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for

shorts. The shrink says: 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I

couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth both die on the same day and they go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should get into Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure the angels will be pleased to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The angel chuckles and says, "Okay, Your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and gets in! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the angel...

but, even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.

The International Council of Man Laws.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

..a ) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

..b ) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

..c ) After wrecking your boss's car.

..d ) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven,) she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360 End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever..

27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

[Edited 2020-03-25 by smb: I can't remember even posting this - let alone where it came from?!

Anyway, it's nice - so I decided to keep it - and full credits to whoever wrote this, by the way!]

Sand and Stone

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.

DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND

SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND:

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.'

THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, WHERE THEY DECIDED TO HAVE A SWIM...

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE  AND STARTED DROWNING.

BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE:

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.'

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM :

'AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON A STONE. WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED:

'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND, WHERE THE WINDS OF

FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE

WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT.'

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON, AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY TO LOVE THEM - BUT THEN AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM.

TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE...

VALUE WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE

London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who

has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,

since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He

will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the

worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more

than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in

charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but

overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy

charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended

from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for

reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the

job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly

children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental

consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student; but

could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to

have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became

contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better

treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you

couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar

could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to

realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in

her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his

wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He

is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now,

Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If

you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do

nothing.'

And a little extra........................

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600

employees and has the following statistics?

29 have been accused of spouse abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad cheques

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

4 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

Which organization is this?

It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks

out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in

line.

Women Drivers!

This morning on the Interstate,

I looked over to my left and there was a

Woman

In a brand new

Cadillac

Doing 65 mph

With her

Face up next to her

Rear view mirror

Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away

For a couple seconds !

And when I looked back she was

Halfway over in my lane,

Still working on that makeup.

As a man,

I don't scare easily.

But she scared me so much;

I dropped my electric shaver,

Which knocked

The donut

Out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying

To straighten out the car

Using my knees against

The steering wheel,

it knocked

my cell phone

away from my ear

which fell

into the coffee

between my legs,

splashed,

and burned

Big Jim and the Twins,

ruined the damn phone,

soaked my trousers,

and disconnected an

important call.

Damn women drivers!!

Breeding Bulls

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "

"THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR"

The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,

"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR"

The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said,"That's once a day.You could REALLY learn something from this one

The husband looked at her and said,

"Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow."

THE BEST COMEBACK LINE for 2007...

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!' General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

We're going to teach them climbing, canoing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:

Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

pastel can be a challenging yet joyful medium...I am no professional (maybe one day) nor a critic of any definition, but may I share my experiences and tips with you? I notice the shade and highlights on your face are quite defined in contrast with the normal skin tone, try layering the colors before you blend, and don't be afraid to use black with a color in the shading, you would be surprised how subtly it shows, while still making an enormous impact

Keep up the good work!!!

Hi! Welcome to artfreaks.com - and thanks for the tips!

I just got back home, after a couple of months work and I hope to be getting back into painting soon. I can't wait!!

I'll give you're suggestions a try and see if it works for me? (To be honest, I think the overstated shading and ridiculously bright colors suite my character - and that is what I am happy with!! Anyway, it certainly wouldn't hurt to try a different technique and I'll certainly give it a go...)

By the way, I hope you can avail of your free gallery space for amateur and professional artists and upload some of your work. (I want to see how this more subtle shading thing works!!!)

Nice work!

Thanks for posting these.

From a former member, nicbrun77:

Quote

I have never seemed to get the hang of photographing my art, oil paintings and charcoal sketches. I posted my first painting a couple days ago, but the photo I took looks like crap and really doesn't do my painting the justice it deserves! How in the world do I take a really good photo of my work? I realize that the photo is never as good as seeing it in person, but it seems like the photos of everyone else's work on this site and on artwanted.com are so professional looking. What am I doing wrong?

I can only say what works for me...

I have only tried pencil drawings and pastel paintings so far.

The pastels, I always photograph before framing behind glass. (In the case of an oil painting, I would photograph the thing before applying any vanish?)

I always take the photographs outdoors - in a bright spot but out of direct sunlight.

I make sure that the flash is turned off and I am not casting a shadow on the painting.

If there is enough, well-diffused light, I don't think you need a tripod - just try to hold the camera reasonably steady while you press the shutter.

The cameras that most people are using these days all have auto-focus...

If you are using auto-focus, usually you have to depress the shutter half way, keep it like that for a second or two, in order to allow the focusing mechanism to do its thing - and THEN press the shutter all the way.

Lastly, before taking the shot, I make sure that the camera is positioned exactly on the axis of the centre of the painting and not skewed at an angle.

Oh! And then you really need to use any simple photo editing software, just to crop your image before uploading. It also helps if you can reduce your image file size to about 350Kb or less so that it doesn't take forever to upload. (I use U-lead Photo Explorer - both for cropping and reducing the image size. Mine came with the camera - but I believe if you do a search on Google, you can down-load U-Lead Photo Explorer for free?)

'Hope this helps!

Hello!

Welcome to the artfreaks.com Forums, Gallery and Blog Spot!

I'm afraid there aren't actually that many active members here right now. These forums seem to get a fair amount of visitors but there isn't really much of an active membership just yet...

Anyway, with a few more eager participants like yourself, we will hopefully soon have ourselves an "awesome little forum," before too long. And you will be one of the pioneering members!!

I'm looking forward to seeing some of your art in the Gallery!

Sculptures that you can print off - so you can order prints online

Ever wondered how or where you can get high quality prints of images of your sculpture?

(You might want these for your portfolio - or you might want to sell artistic photography images of your work...)

Provided you have access to a decent, high resolution digital camera - and a premium membership at

- you can upload high definition images of artworks of all kinds. You can then use the Artwanted.com print on demand service to order high quality prints of your work.

You can also sell the sculpture itself through ArtWanted.com but, of course; if you want to keep the original, you can stick to selling high quality "print-on-demand" images!

The Busted Lift sounds good to me!

So what is wrong with the lift, then? Can't they get it fixed?!!

Seriously... Guiness is one of my top three favorite beers in the world.

The other two are San Miguel Beer (the Pale Pilsen of course!! )

and

Suntory Malts. (Suntory also make a malt whisky which isn't bad either - but the malt beer really brings back some fond memories of Kobe!)

Here's to some great nights out in Dubuque!

Cheers!